Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
