He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
