Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
