I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
