Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
