Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
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I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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