Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
