I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
