so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
