Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
