Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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