Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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