Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
