Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
