when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
