So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
