oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
