i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
