told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
