my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize