I accidentally burped into my bong.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
