If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
