think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i barfeds in our rink
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
