I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize