OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
True college students do jello shots in the library
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
