i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
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