If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
