i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
you never un-have a 4some
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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