HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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