I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize