You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Come see our sink grown plant.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
