she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
