Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
