He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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