By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
