After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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