I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
