I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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