Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
When are your genitals available?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
