DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
