Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
