Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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