so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
