is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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