and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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