Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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