Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
