Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
