so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
