Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
