I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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