ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize