okay pat passed out under dana's car
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
