I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
