He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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