I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
