Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
