You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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