She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize