It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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