I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
