Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
