Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
