A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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