I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
