Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize