Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
