If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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