i think my tv is drunk
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
